Health update

Well, it has been a year since I drove myself to the emergency room with a headache that felt like a stroke. I’ve had about 5 headache free days since then. Although they don’t hurt as bad as they used to, I’m still having them every day. Either they are getting better, or I’m getting used to them.

 

Unfortunately my other symptoms have been getting slowly worse. In January I finished up my 100 days of running before a trip to the frigid north of Alaska for a couple weeks. Upon returning I tried to pick back up with the running and found myself having a very difficult time walking the next day.  Since then my hubby and I have been taking walks pretty much nightly to help keep me mobile.  This last week I have been having trouble on the walks and feeling exhausted all the time.

 

Most people that look at me can’t tell there is anything wrong.  I don’t limp all the time. But, if I go grocery shopping by the time I get to the checkout lane I am leaning heavily on the shopping cart and praying that I can drive home safely. My left side is always in some kind of pain, either with numbness and tingling, stabbing pains or a feeling of swelling that is about to pop, or weakness and heaviness in the limbs.

 

My vision is still great, I can still use my arms and legs and I haven’t wet myself. So, physically speaking I am doing great. I am just inconvenienced by a limp and the constant need to pee. I am trying to stay mentally strong through this.  Without an official diagnosis it is easy to be in denial about the state of my condition. But the steady decline in my physical abilities is becoming harder to ignore.

 

I am at a toss up here. I want to have an answer in hand officially as to why I feel this way. I don’t like the preliminary diagnosis phase. According to the Neurologist my magic number is 9 lesions. I was at 3 in 6 months so who knows how long it will take for a diagnosis. It could be another several years before we know anything for sure. I also just want it all to go away and be healed.  But for now, 1 year down. And looking back at it, it hasn’t been all that bad.

 

I don’t want to write to complain or ask for sympathy. This is more of a way to share what is going on with me.  When I say I’m ok, it means I hurt but I am managing to be ok. When I say I am great that means I am pain free for the moment. So that’s my code. I won’t be going to the doctor again until probably July and might be undergoing another MRI at my 1 year from last MRI point. I don’t know yet.  It is still uncertain but I am learning to be ok with that.

 

Through this I am learning to be more patient and sensitive. I don’t want to be silent about this and hide it like I am ashamed. But I do want to give hope to other people that are “suffering in silence.”  We can be a blessing to others through the things that are hurting us.  We can show God’s love and sufficiency through hard times.  God is getting me through this. When I am hurting I start praying all the more.

 

I am quiet through this because I don’t want to burden people with what I am going through. I am a normal person just like any one else and do not need any special treatment or consideration.  Just know that if I am sitting quietly it is not because I am depressed or feeling down. I’m just taking a breather so that I can face the rest of the day. I am going to need to take more breaks and sit down when I am tired. Its part of the weakness I am feeling. (The pain in my left leg and arm feels a lot like growing pains, that deep cold stabbing ache) Sitting down and messaging my limbs helps to alleviate some of that pain.  I am not asking for attention or for others to stop what they are doing by sitting down, I am just taking a rest before I tire myself out so much that I won’t be able to walk the next day.

 

So that is what I am going through right now.  I am still positive. I am still leaning on the Father, knowing that His strength is all that gets me through each day. I am still teaching my children, keeping my house clean and being the best Child of God, Wife, mother and friend that I know how to be.  I still need people in my life, so those of you that are afraid to talk to me because of my “condition” please don’t be. I’m still me, and I’m not going to talk to you about what is going on unless you ask me because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or sorry for me.

 

God has richly blessed me and my family for many years. This is just one of those trials in life that I am meant to face.  Prayerfully I do it with grace, showing that my God is sufficient through All things.

 

It has taken me over a week to write this because I don’t want to complain, I don’t want to keep talking about MS.  But lately it seems every conversation I have revolves around MS.  But that is not me; I am not my “disease.”  I am still the person that will go out of my way to help those in need. I am still that great listener, and quiet spirit that Loves her God, Family and Country. 

 

So let’s all just go back to being us again.  I will keep everyone updated here on the blog. I will be happy to answer your questions you have about how I’m feeling for real if you really want to know. But truly I am ok.

 

Love you all

Brook

Where's my reset button???

Have you ever thought to yourself “Where is my reset button?” Sometimes it feels like so much stuff is piled on that it would be so much easier just to press the power button and start over again.  I want to know where my scan disc, defrag and system restore are! How cool would it be if we could run a computer program on ourselves and just fix the problems at home in the comfort of our own pity party?

 

So a non diagnosis, preliminary, diagnosis that doesn’t count until I loose the function of one of my body parts really sucks. I thought I was having one of those episodes, having muscle spasms in my legs like I had just done the hardest workout of my life because I walked across the room, pins and needles and muscle weakness and numbness. This lasted for a week. I believed it was an episode because it was accompanied by severe lethargy and nausea. So I put in a telephone consult to my doctor only to be told that it was probably just a side effect of the medicine that I had been on for the last 6 months.  I didn’t accept that and stopped taking all of it.

 

Here I am a month later. I think the medicine is finally all out of my system because my resting heart rate has gone back up to just under 100 beats per minute, and shortness of breath. I feel like there is a yawn inside me just dying to get out. And lot’s of sighing probably has my kiddos thinking I’m a drama queen. But it’s the best way to catch my breath right now.  Tremors are back and worse. Still having the left sided weakness with occasional muscle spasms, numbness and tingling and shooting pain down both legs. This could all be related to the last month of feeling intense cramping in my abdomen and back that radiates down my legs. It’s like a tight squeeze feeling. Sounds like the hug symptom to me. Yet, I haven’t lost the use of anything so here I am left to wonder is this really MS or am I just going crazy?

 

Running is dreaded right now because of the chest pain and shortness of breath that comes along with it.  I know that if I can get back to it that my heart rate will be lowered by the added health benefits of regular cardio exercise. I know this will help my legs because when they were at their worst I was running every day.  More like a hobble jog, but I was out there doing it every day. This seemed to help when combined with stretching before bed every night.  Maybe it was something else, the arthritis in my back acting up? Who knows, but the uncertainty of life is killing me right now.

 

My husband has promotion testing every year, and this year he tested about a month sooner than he usually does. He/We have to wait a full 4 months to find out if he has been promoted or not. This job also will have us moving some time by the end of the year. But again I don’t know when. Talk about hard to plan your life!  Career, living arrangements and health are all in question right now.

 

Now this leads me to educating my children, writing my books and keeping up with a blog, and painting for church, doing a very involved bible study, wanting to be there for people that are sick and need help but feeling so overwhelmed that I can’t do anything.  This is why I need a reboot, and a system restore. I don’t want to, and I know not to worry because worrying doesn’t do any good. So for now I will just pray for peace and take it a day at a time, a problem at a time. Maybe I will try a little chunk at a time instead of trying to do it all at once.  And that is my rant for today. Today the saying that is over used all the time fits me, I just need to let go and let God. And by this I mean, let go of the worry and let God give me peace that I will do exactly what I need to get done but not necessarily what I want to be done.

100 days of running

 

Looking back on 100 days of running:

I didn’t think I had it in me. I have never considered myself to be a runner and I’m still not sure if I am. My shortest distance was 1.22 miles longest distance was 5.06 in an hour, and my average was 12 miles a week. Some weeks had more some less. But here are the highlights

 

100 days

September 25, 2012 – January 2, 2013

·        187 miles

·        averaged 50 miles per month

·        lost 13 pounds

·        burned 19,778 calories

·        Listened to either praise music or the Bible

·        Discovered that I really enjoy listening to the Bible

·        When I ran at night I took my dog Tater he didn’t lose any weight

·        My husband joined me a few times

·        My dad joined me once (It was his first time running in over 10 years and he did great!)

·        I use about 15 different routes and rarely run at the same time.

·        Shoes matter

·        Attitude matters

·        You can still run when you feel like you are going to die

·        It is possible to run with an “ice pick” type headache

·        It is also possible to run with a numb/painful half of your body

 

In September a friend invited me to join a Fall Fitness accountability group. I was already a part of the summer group so I was thrilled when the fall group started.

Over the summer I began struggling with some pretty bad headaches and one sided body nerve pain. (Numbness, tingling, loss of sensation, shooting pain, falling) As you can probably imagine I didn’t feel like exercising but knew that I needed to strengthen my body and keep my muscles flexible. The accountability group was perfect for me because I was only required to exercise 20 min a day 6 times a week and that could be covered by 1 dog walk a day. Easy enough.

So that was the first group.

 For the second group I started to get a little more into it, pushing myself a little harder.

On September 25 one of the members of the group posted a 100 day running challenge.

I read the challenge and liked it because it

 

• Would be over in 100 days
• Only required 1 mile a day
• Involved prayer/listening to the Bible/ praise music
• More accountability

 

I decided that I would take the challenge. I didn’t realize until just a week or so ago that I was the only one that joined her in this challenge. But we kept each other motivated. And the rest of the fitness group has been wonderful at cheering us on to that finish line.  Although, we both kept right on running past that so called finish line, and plan on continuing with the daily runs.

 

What got me to get up, lace up my tennis shoes and walk out that door on the days that I had a hard time even walking? Knowing that by the time I got home that I would feel better. Getting up and moving, making my heart beat faster, my blood pressure up seems to help loosen me up and relieve some of my pain. Even if I am barely able to move, jogging, eventually I will loosen up and feel more human. The headaches are a little more difficult to deal with and I end up jogging with my hand holding my head and using a very special breathing pattern. I couldn’t let down the big beautiful brown eyed doggy that runs to the door every night ready to go for his run either.

 

Now that I am at 101 days (tonight’s run will be 102) I’ll be ok if I miss a run every now and then because it was a 100 day challenge not a 365 day challenge. But I have developed a habit. I do enjoy taking my nightly runs with the doggy.

I have noticed a big change in my body. 13 pounds in 100 days (That’s a little more than a pound a week)

I’ve lost 4” in my stomach and 4” in my hips my legs are starting to show individual muscles. I am happy with my progress. I am at my goal weight that I set for myself last April.

Then I was 144 pounds with a BMI of 23.2

Now I am 120 with a BMI of 19.4

I am not killing myself with these “workouts” I am not hurting the next day, I didn’t do any extra work outs. Until today. I’m doing the body confusion and changing my routine now. But the point is it doesn’t have to be hard to be a life change.

 

Just get up and get moving. Jog and walk at least a mile every day and take it a day at a time. Pretty soon YOU will be inspiring someone.

Staying strong under trying circumstances

           Sometimes the not knowing is hard to deal with. We go to doctors asking them to fix us treating them as if they are gods when in reality they are people too.  They poke and prod at us and ask us what we have done to ourselves to get into said predicament.  We think back to the years of abuse on our bodies thinking that we are invincible. We are superhuman in our childhood and teenage years. Then during our young adulthood it is too easy to overdo it on alcohol and processed foods that are inexpensive and easy to prepare for our new family. But is this what is best for us and our bodies? Is this what is causing our bodies to break down and literally fall apart?

In May my world was rocked when my left temple literally felt like something inside my head exploded while I was driving. I pulled over of course because that really scared me. This “headache” was followed by 4 hours of intermittent stabbing pains that left the left side of my face feeling like I had been hit in the face with a 2x4 with a few nails in it and parts of my face were numb. It was a really weird headache, different from the migraines I was used to so I went ahead and drove myself to urgent care. The Urgent care doc suspected either cluster headache or trigeminal neuralgia.  From there I was scheduled for a follow-up with my primary care doctor three weeks later and referred out for a CT scan, MRI, MRA, CBC, Neurology, Cardiology, Allergy, Nutrition, a sleep study, Psychology, and a few more that I can’t seem to remember right now.

There were also several tests ordered from each of these appointments and follow-up appointments. From the MRI we found out that I do have a brain! Exciting news for me because with the daily headache (brain noise) I was starting to feel like there wasn’t much left going on up in there. The Neurologist said that there were a few things to watch from the MRI and that it meant I had to have a repeat scan in 6 months (Dec-Jan). Because of the findings of the MRI he did a lot of tests to rule out other things and all of those tests were negative. So now what I do know is that I have a lesion on the right side of my brain and two growths in the back of my throat. Now I know why I get nauseated so easily.  Until I have the second MRI with the scan of my neck and have more than 1 lesion I wont have a diagnosis.

The cardiologist said that my heart is completely normal. I am free to stop taking the medicine as soon as the headaches go away. The allergist said that I shouldn't be poked with needles because my skin is so sensitive that I have a positive reaction even to the negative controls so they can't do the skin prick testing on me. The nutritionist was surprised at how well we eat as a family and wanted to know why I was visiting him. The sleep study determined that I wake up from the deepest stages of sleep to wide awake several times a night for no apparent reason and because of that I was sent to see the psychologist. The psychologist determined that I'm not crazy and to keep taking the melatonin that the neurologist prescribed for sleeping.

So where does this leave me? After what seems like hundreds of doctors appointments later, I still don’t know. I just have to have faith.  The threat looms over me that some day I may be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. {The Neurologist seems pretty determined that within the next three years that will be my diagnosis even without the second set of MRI films.} I am starting to change the way I take care of myself.  That is a big part of it I think.  We have been pretty healthy eaters for the past 10 years or so. However, #1 (my oldest daughter) has only grown ¼” in 4 years and that was due to eating gluten free for 6 months a little over a year ago because I noticed she wasn’t growing and knew this to be a sign of celiac disease. I took her to the doctor recently and they said she is allergic to wheat. #3 has eczema, and #4 has asthma, these can also be caused by a gluten intolerance. So for the sake of our health we are more than like going to be a gluten free household. I am experimenting with recipes that sound horribly disgusting, but the kids are gobbling them up and say they are delicious. I made some changes to a pumpkin cranbery muffin recipe and they loved it. I'll share that with you all if anyone is interested.

        
             I am running every day to strengthen my legs; I am doing occasional strength training for the rest of my body. I have noticed that the left side of my body does have occasional weakness, numbness, pins and needles; this is more noticeable on days that I take a nice relaxing bath in the morning instead of at night. I take a handful of pills every night to prevent the bad headaches. But I still have the daily irritating I know you are there headaches.  I have only had 3 I think I’m going to die headaches since May and those I believe were Cluster or Trigeminal Neuralgia headaches. So I guess the handful of medicine is doing its job. Tomorrow I have an appointment to get shots in my face and neck. I am nervous about this for obvious reasons a needle to the face… who wants that? I had shots in my back because of unbearable back pain a few years ago and was allergic to it, so now I’m wondering if I’ll be okay with this series of shots. The shots will be administered in a hospital so if I react badly I’ll be in good hands.  My goal is to replace the pills with a healthy lifestlye and diet. I know it isn't possible to cure an auto immune disease but it can be put into remission. This daily pain in my body does not define me, it is here for a purpose and until I know what it is I truly pray that I glorify God in all that I do and say.

So really long post, I’m sorry about that. And if some of this is repeat information also sorry. But I felt putting it all down in one place in a “this is what I know so far post” would be a good idea.  I don’t know anything J Helpful isn’t it. Frustrating. So like I said at the beginning of this “novel” doctors are people too.  They do their best to help us figure out what is ailing us. Sometimes we have to be patient. Sometimes we have to be content with the information that God has given us. What He has given us is always sufficient. We kick and scream and rebel because we want to know why we are struggling.  But, His grace is enough for me.

~ Blessings Brook

I'm still not brave enough

However, after five months of sporadic exercise I did manage to achieve some of my weight loss goals.  May 15 I took some measurements, and my body fat % based on the scale and weight. I have repeated this weakly over the past several months and have noticed steady progress. But it wasn’t until this past month, when I started my daily running plan (more on that later) and a new medication to prevent migraines, that I have seen the most results.  So without getting into specific weight and measurements, because I’m pretty sure you all don’t care about that, here are my losses so far:

 

May 15 – October 10

Loss of 9 pounds

Loss of 28 ½” (-4” stomach, -5 ½” waist, -4 ½” hips, -10 ½” legs)  

31.6% Body fat to 25.6% Body fat (-6% body fat according to the scale)

BMI 22.4 to 21.0

It was nice to have a group to be accountable to. Even when I was feeling horrible and lazy I knew that I still had to get my workout in for the day. Most of my exercise over the summer was walking our over grown Tater Tot on a 30-60 min walk. This not only provided exercise for me and the pooch but it also gave the hubby and I some wonderful quality time.

Over the summer I began suffering with some pretty intense medical issues. We still are not sure what is going on after over 30 doctor appointments. I wasn’t able to push myself as hard as I would have liked however the slow and steady approach of walking has yielded pretty steady results.

 

I love a good challenge.  I feel like if I am in a challenge with someone else or have an accountability partner that I am more likely to stick with my workout plan.  15 days ago a co member of the fitness group I am in posted a 100 day challenge that involves running at least 1 mile every day for the next 100 days.  I decided to take the challenge.  The first few days were miserable! I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t run the entire mile without a few walking breaks. Now I am decreasing the time it takes to run my route each time, without walking. I have even run my route in reverse, up the hills. My calves really did not like me after that.  In just two weeks I have seen such a change in my body. I am getting muscle tone in my arms and legs, and my clothes are fitting much better. This running is very addicting.

I admit I am a lot more tired! The symptoms of my mysterious illness are worse. However I have this theory. If I can get my body stronger when this illness takes hold of me I won’t end up in a wheel chair. I will just need a cane or maybe a walker. Who knows maybe I can put it in remission again. If I can be healthy enough maybe it will go away altogether.  I just wish we knew for sure what it was instead of all of these suspicions.

 

Joining a support group

It has been a week since I decided I would be brave enough to take a before picture and weight and measurements. I'm thinking I will start doing a weekly weigh in and measuring session to track my progress because the wonderful dear sweet scale doesn't seem to think I am making much progress at all.  It really is a mean scale!  Although I will have to admit that it has lowered my body fat % by 3% in the last few weeks. So that's nice and considerate of it.

Over the last week, my husband and I have really been getting back into the habit of exercise.  We were slacking and inconsistent with our workouts due to health reasons over the last several months (that could be a cause of my scale not budging.)

I started joining him on his outdoor runs. Not really something that I have done since high school.  I was in cross country way back when and could run a pretty fast 5k. (between 21-24 min for 3 miles) That was when I was 17. Can't run that fast anymore, at least not yet.  Because of my slow pace I have been making my hubby run a lot slower than he is use to but it is increasing both of our endurance.  We run 3 miles every other day around our hilly neighborhood in scorching temperatures.  My mouth does not like not having water for that long, but I'm too lazy to carry a bottle of water.  he he, I'm a lazy workout addict. Sounds contradictory doesn't it!

On the days we are not running we head to the gym as a family.  While we work out the kids get to spend an hour and a half to two hours playing (see home school kids do get socialized). I spend the first hour on either the treadmill or a cross trainer machine. I have been able to increase my running distance from half a mile without walking all the way up to 5 miles. Although, I did end up with a pretty nasty looking heal from that run. Eventually I may start running for the full 1.5 to 2 hours that we are at the gym.  After my run/cross training I usually lift weights or do some heavy calisthenics.  I want to be fit, but without someone to hold me accountable it is too easy to quit.  There have been several times that I have wanted to stop running, and my husbands encouraging words got me through the pain and through the urge to quit.

I also joined a support group.  I am required to check in daily with the workout that I did and how long it took me.  I only have to do 20 min a day, but I aim for at least an hour so that the ultimate fat burning can happen.  When I get to the mid way point I will be brave enough to post those pics that I have taken. But for now you can't see them ;) This challenge started last week and will end at the end of August. Who ever works out the most will win a prize.  Run to win the race, not just to finish it!

Progress

In the past 11 days I have gone to the gym, done a home workout or gone running 7 times.  I have not been as consistent as I would like to be with my work outs but I have noticed a difference.

Two weeks ago I was drinking a pot of coffee a day and still was very tired, this past week I have only been drinking one cup of coffee and having enough energy to make it through the day without exhaustion. So that is perk number one of working out, excess energy to do more things.  I also noticed that my desire to snack has gone down. I'm back to the forgetting to eat lunch. So perk number two would be less calories going in than being used throughout the day. We all know what that means right? Weight loss! So perk number two, smaller grocery bill because I'm not pigging out at dinner and there are more left overs, and I'm back to the 141lb mark. So the pounds I put on by not working out are going away.

I am also drinking a lot more water, (that could actually explain all of the above)... That makes me wonder, if I were to stop working out but just drink a lot of water if it would have the same effect. Nah, probably not. I'm still having pain in abundance, but I know that will start to diminish soon. 

Yesterday I went for a run on the treadmill.  I like to do interval training because, frankly, I can't run that far without taking a walking break. I started out as usual with running as far as I could without stopping at a pace of 5.5 miles per hour. I made it a mile before I slowed down to walk at 4mph, checked my heart rate, got a drink of water and then started running at 6mph for as long as i could stand it then back down to 4mph.  I did this cycle of running walking all the way up to 9mph and then back down again. Once I finished that I ran at 5.5mph again and increased my speed by .1 every 10 seconds up to 7mph and then decreased my speed by .1 every 20 seconds. After I was done with my walking break I noticed that I only had 3 min left of my planned 30min run, so I thought I would sprint at 9mph as long as I could and make up distance for all the times I walked.  I lasted about 1 min at 9mph until my heart started beating out of my chest. I quickly jumped to the side rails and slowed the machine down to 3mph so i could catch my breath and monitor my heart rate. The machine could not read how fast my heart was beating but it made me aware that it was beating at 100% of my maximum heart rate for my age.  I have an app on my phone that monitors heart rate so I pulled it out and checked it.  The initial heart rate was 200 then it paused and slowed to 80 then did a weird bubble pop somersault feeling thing then was beating at 200 again. It was weird and scary so I finished my run, wiped down my machine (Yes I wipe off my machine after I work out! I don't understand why so many people don't) picked up the girls from the kid's zone and went home.  It took about half an hour for my heart to go back to beating normally. 

I'm not sure if the workout was what caused the weird heart rate. I did take my medicine and haven't missed any doses so it wasn't that. I had a big stresser earlier in the day when a 7 or 8 year old boy punched my 5 year old daughter in the eye. I am not someone who will confront people, but I did. I get mad but people usually don't know it.  I was mad enough to be shaking, so I think my adrenalin was high. That could be a factor.  Anyway there has been no negative effects since yesterday afternoon.

I went for a run with my husband today. Maybe more of a jog/walk. We jogged and walked 3 miles through our neighborhood, up and down hills in the very hot weather. I enjoyed being out with my husband, but I didn't so much like the running part of it.  I may have to stick to the treadmill, at least for now. I felt bad making him run so slow. He usually runs 4 miles in the time it took us to run 3 (35 min) We had to walk the last half mile because I was very nauseated. My heart only hurt a little on the run today, it was more of a not able to breath problem. And apparently I don't run right either... who knew there was a right and wrong way to land on your feet?

Working out again

The biggest frustration is months of working out only to gain 3 pounds. Although I did take a month and a half off because of sick kiddos.  We can't be spreading the sickos around to other kids!

Although I have gained weight, I have also gained the ability to run for more than a quarter of a mile without stopping, I can do more than 1 push up and I have much better pain tolerance overall.  I'm not having the really bad recovery time anymore, and that is a definite bonus. 

When I first started working out again back in January I realized that I didn't have and decent gym clothes so I went on a shopping spree and bought a lot of size M clothing. It fit just right at first.  I noticed by mid February that I was in need of a size Smedium. Do they make that size? After my exercises sabbatical I am back into a medium again.  But the key to all of this is, that I did get smaller, but I didn't see it reflected on the scale.  So I got out of the habit of weighing myself every time I saw the scale (i.e. 50 times a day) I do weigh 5 pounds more at night than I do in the morning, and about three pounds more than mid day.  I figure if I weigh my self at night it will give me the motivation to go work out in the morning. 

Part of this "laid back" personality of mine makes me realllllly care that I want to lose weight, but not care so much about doing anything about it. Is there anyone else out there like that?!?!?!  I do not have an addictive personality at all!  There isn't much in this life that I couldn't live without. I could love it or leave it no regrets no hurt feelings.  Well except for my family and my relationship with God. Everything else, yes EVERYTHING else is replaceable, so I don't give it much value placement in my life.  I suppose that is why I am so easy going.

So for me, for now.... if the mood hits I have to act now or it will soon fade away.  If I feel like I want to run, I better run to the gym now and get going or in an hour I will have changed my mind and found something else to do. (Hmmmm, maybe I have add? SQUIRREL!)  So this will be one roller coaster of a ride to lose the weight that I have put on over the years of moves and medicine trials and horrible eating.  I will not be taking diet pills or following a specific diet plan, just doing it the good old fashioned way, exercising. And no I'm still not brave enough to post a before picture. (Haven't even taken one)

Part of my workout routine, for non gym running days is from Zuzana light https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/ZuzkaLight
She has great videos of her ZWOW's or work out of the week.  They are motivating and quick, so on days that I don't have time to go to the gym I'll do one of her workouts and then go through my day.
On Monday I didn't have time to go to the gym and I didn't want to dedicate a certain time to workout. So as I was sitting watching TV after the girls were done with their school for the day I felt like exercising but still wanted to watch TV. So during the commercial breaks I squeezed in 10-20 reps of different exercises in three min. intervals.  I ended up doing 10 sets through out the day and I was sure sore from it the next day.  But the cool thing was, instead of channel surfing or just watching commericals, I got in a pretty great workout.  So there is an idea for anyone out there that does not have time to work out.... do it as hard and fast as you can during commercials all through the day and you will keep your heart rate up and calories burning all day long!

My goal now (after gaining 3 pounds) is to lose 23 pounds by this time next year. That is a 2 pound per month goal, and is do able if I stick with the exercises. And if I lose the weight slowly then it should be easier to keep it off.  No more "experimental lets see if this makes you feel better medicine" for me. Exercise and healthy eating and lots of water seem to be what makes me feel the best.  All of you autoimmune disease people out there take my word for it. I know you don't want to exercise because it hurts, but it gets better! Activity gets your body going again and helps it to heal itself.

update

Who knew maintaining a blog would be so difficult. I think my biggest issue is that no one reads this.  I suppose I shouldn't let that get to me because in a way I guess it is therapeutic to write.

I tried a homeschooling group park day today and the girls absolutely loved it. It was nice to see them able to play with other kids after months of being "stuck" at home. And, I must admit, it was great for me to have some adult time with someone other than my husband! Not saying that my husband isn't great, but a person needs to speak to more than 1 adult a week to not go completely crazy. (Well this person anyway)

Homeschooling has had it's trials, and it's rewards. We are finally settling into some sort of routine. The girls are getting better about getting to work in the morning. We are focusing on our math and language arts for the time being, and will switch to history and science when they finish up. I found a book that tells me what the girls need to know for each grade level and even gives recommendations on curriculum that will satisfy those requirements. It has been helpful for me.

Chores.... didn't work out for me.  They stuck with the chart for about a week and a half before they stopped using it, claiming to have forgotten about it. (Despite daily reminders) I have now decided that I will do the stuff around the house that has to be  done so that nobody dies. When the girls realize that  they have no more clean clothes they will have to do a load of laundry. I'm going to be less of a control freak and see how that works out for me.

On the writing front... I haven't, at all.  I have been working on my story for 10 years but I think that it's not the story that needs to be written right now.  I'm not sure what story is in me, but the one that I finally do write will be amazing, when I get around to writing it.  I know there is a story in here somewhere. Everyone was made to do something, and it is my belief that I was made to write. I feel so scatterbrained and all over the place most of the time. And it looks like my writing is going that way too right now.

Well maybe it will serve as an outlet for me, maybe it will give you a chuckle.  But regardless of my inability to be creative the last few years, I will do my best to write more often. Maybe somewhere in there I will come up with my story to tell. Maybe I will become more organized in my head. And maybe you will be entertained.

A New Year a New life

         We have been living in San Antonio for about 2 months now. Life here is much different than it was in the sleepy little town in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma.  In fact, there is more shopping opportunities just outside of our new neighborhood than there was in the entire town we came from.
         Our first month here trying to get into a house was the worst on me physically. Living in a hotel means a lot of eating out.  Oh, and the day we moved into our house I got my toe run over by our big screen t.v. and broke it! I gained 10 pounds! So about a week ago I joined the gym just outside of my neighborhood. (See I told you we had everything)
        I have a few physical limitations, but I am refusing to let them keep me from getting in to the best physical shape possible.  While I was in college many many years ago, I developed two conditions that doctors just could not figure out or explain.  They said that I was young and whatever it was wouldn't kill me.  Great answer doc thanks.  I felt like it was going to kill me!  My biggest issue was with my heart.  No matter my physical condition through the years (super fit, out of shape, or pregnant) my heart rate always beat too fast for what I was doing. I'll give you an example, walking on the treadmill at 3.5 setting with 0 incline heart rate around 150.  If I bumped it up to 5 and jogged my heart rate shot up to 200-230 depending on the day. High right!  So just walking slow wasn't very good exercise. I could lift weights fine, but we all know you need cardio in there too.        
       Well just last year I finally saw someone that knew exactly what was wrong with me. Relief! Now even sprinting at a 9.5 or 10 on the treadmill the highest my heart will beat is 160. :)  For all of you wondering, the condition is known as Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia (IST)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inappropriate_sinus_tachycardia 2 pills a day and it is kept under control, and they also keep my tremors at bay. 
          Imagine someone with the shakes going on with a fast heart rate.  I see a hairless chihuahua shaking all over the place, grey with black hair on the end of her tail and black mo hawk! (see very visual)
         My second problem was finally diagnosed while we were living overseas in Misawa Japan.  I saw a rheumatologist that specialized in Fibromyalgia.  She touched a pressure point on my back and i jumped off the exam table because it hurt so bad.  She should have warned me first I guess. So I had all the symptoms and she said Yes you have it.  I wasn't happy with the diagnosis, or their "solution" so I saw several other doctors and they all gave me the same answers.  So I have come to accept that yes I do have Fibromyalgia. Living with the Fibromyalgia pain has made my pain tolerance high and low at the same time.  When I broke my toe, yes it hurt, but I didn't think it was broken.  In fact I didn't go to the doctor for 2 weeks because I thought it was just sprained.
         So how does that affect my workout you may ask?  Well, if I lift enough weight to fatigue myself at the gym, my recovery time is much longer than your average person. Instead of a 1 day recovery time I require 3-5 days. In the past I have allowed both of these conditions to hold me back. I am an all or nothing kind of person. I can't just lift 5 pounds because I know I won't hurt tomorrow. I have to push myself to fatigue. But I used to take 3-4 days off between going to the gym. so 1 day on 3 days off.  Now I am forcing myself to work through it. 3-4 days on 1 day off.  Even though I am hurting and can hardly walk I make myself go to the gym and guess what?  As soon as that blood starts flowing the pain isn't so bad!  I do not take medicine for my Fibromyalgia because the "May cause weight gain" side effect makes me gain weight rapidly.  I don't like that side effect as I'm trying to lose the weight. As far as the toe is concerned, it has been long enough to be all better but it still gets to be an inconvenience. It gives me trouble when I run and do exercises that require jumping around (burpees don't feel pleasant).
         So this past week I have been working out with my husband.  We both do our own thing first, I usually alternate running and walking for about 30 min on the treadmill while he lifts free weights then we get together and do an intense workout together.  Facing each other, we encourage and challenge each other to finish the reps.  We have done an intense timed 300 kettle bell workout two times.  The first time it took us nearly 20 min to complete, the second time it only took 17 min.  I started following several fitness sites that have given me great tips and the motivation to push myself.  I am the type of person that no matter how little I weigh I have a very hard time getting muscle definition. (114 at 5'6" and my stomach was just flat, no line or anything) I am determined to get some muscle tone!
      The silver lining to all of this?  My husband and I are spending some quality time together doing something that we both truly enjoy.  We are encouraging each other to do our very best, to look our best, and to make healthy choices.  Our girls are learning the healthy lifestyle that will hopefully follow them into their future.  They really enjoy going to the gym and ask every day when we are going.  Oh and the pain, it will be reduced by weight loss. I forgot to mention, when I was 2 I was in a car accident that injured my back and resulted in arthritis. I am truly a youngster in an old persons body!  So all of this exercise will, hopefully, make the outside match the inside.
      Once a week I will try to remember to update my weight loss and progress in the gym. And maybe some day I will be brave enough to post a picture. 
     Starting weight Jan 27 : 141  according to my bathroom scale 31% body fat, I really hope that isn't right!   Weight today, still 141 body fat 30%.
               Here's to a happy healthy body toning year in San Antonio!