A book Every parent should read

A couple months ago I was going through my junk mail box for my e-mail account before deleting all the mail that I didn't ask for.  So many people send me e-mails assuming I am a middle aged man in need of a little extra help, and in need of AA RP.  I assure you I am none of those things.  Anyway, on one such occasion of laughing at all the "free offers" I came across an e-mail from Barnes and Noble.  Normally I would just keep going and ignore it, but it said I had a book waiting for me.  I didn't order any books so I was skeptical but clicked on the message anyway.  My dad had purchased me a book for the Nook that he got me for my last birthday.  Good thing I checked it and didn't just delete it! This is what I found

The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind.

 By Daniel J. Siegel, MD. and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD.

I admit I am only 86 pages into this 138 page book, but it has been so eye opening.  It gives several real world examples of real parents dealing with real problems that we all have with raising our children.  Using a scientific example of how the brain works and how to most efficiently and effectively communicate with our children.

Understanding the way the brain functions makes a big difference on the way I communicate with my children.  It also helps me to understand why I react the way I do to certain stimuli.  I know why my skin crawls when the house is a mess now. For older children the authors have been kind enough to include mini comic strips to share with your children to help explain the different strategies.

Introduction: Survive and Thrive

Chapter 1: Parenting with the brain in mind.

Chapter 2: Two brains are better than one: Integrating the Left and the Right

Whole-Brain strategy #1 Connect and Redirect: Surfing Emotional Waves.

Whole-Brain strategy #2: Name it to Tame it: Telling stories to calm big emotions.

Chapter 3: Building the staircase of the Mind: Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs brain

Whole-Brain Strategy #3: Engage, Don't Enrage: Appealing to the Upstairs Brain

Whole-Brain Strategy #4: Use it or Lose it: Exercising the Upstairs Brain

Whole-Brain Strategy #5: Move it or Lose it: Moving the body to avoid losing the mind.

Chapter 4: Kill the Butterflies! Integrating Memory for growth and healing

Whole-Brain Strategy #6 Use the Remote of the Mind: Replaying memories

Whole-Brain Strategy #7: Remember to Remember. Making Recollection a Part of your family's daily life.

Chapter 5: The United States of Me: Integrating the many parts of self

Whole-Brain Strategy #8: Let the clouds of Emotion roll by: teaching that feelings come and go

Whole-Brain Strategy #9: Sift: Paying attention to What's going on inside

Whole-Brain Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight: getting back to the hub.

Chapter 6: The Me-We connection: Integrating Self and Other

Whole-Brain Strategy #11: Increase the Family fun factor: Making a point to Enjoy each other

Whole-Brain Strategy #12: Connect Through Conflict: Teach kids to argue with a "we" in mind

Conclusion: Bringing it all together

Refrigerator Sheet

Whole-Brain Ages and Stages

Check out this link to see several pages from inside the book

http://www.amazon.com/The-Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies/dp/0553807919#_

And buy a copy while you're there!

If you want the best for your children and will use what ever tool it takes to be the best parent you can be, I highly recommend this book.

Happy Reading!

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Just tell me what to do!

This has been on my mind a lot lately. And by a lot I mean all the time.

When we are growing up we get sick of people always telling us what to do. We are told how to dress, what to think, what to eat, how we are going to spend our days. We can't wait to grow up and make our own decisions.

Well the time has finally arrived. I am a grownup.  I know hard to believe, I still find it hard to believe myself. But, the reason I know I'm a grownup is because I no longer have anyone telling me what to do.  I am the one responsible for telling everyone else what to do.  How did that happen?  I don't want to tell anyone what to do.

Lately I have been feeling like I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life.  I know I'm a mom and I'm supposed to be being a mom. I know I home school and that those two things alone are a full time job.  But I also know that I have this feeling in me like I am supposed to be doing something more.  I feel like there is something that I should be doing that I am not. And that my friends, is what I want someone to tell me.  What is it that I'm missing?

Over the past several years I have developed the pretty distinct impression in conversations with God that I should be writing.  He made me to write, to entertain and to raise some pretty amazing little girls.  My problem is finding the subject matter.  Not knowing what to write about makes sitting down and being productive a little difficult.  So I use my other creative outlets to get over the need to write.  But I still feel like I need to be doing something more.

So if anyone has heard from God for me about this... It would be great if you would share it with me! :)

The number system

For the anononimity (is that a word?) of my children I have decided that rather than coming up with cute nick names for them that I will just call them #1, #2, #3 and #4.  This will be in age order and in no way indicates order of preferance, or it would look more like #1, #2, #3 and #4.... See what I did there? You have no idea who I'm talking about ;)

So to test this out, last night as my hubs and I were tucking them into bed I started with #4, and said "Good night #4, I love you." She of course giggled because #4 is the silliest and cuttest #4 you'll ever see.  My hubs joined in and started calling her #4 as well.  She likes it.  Then we moved on to #3.  I walked in her bedroom and it was clean, and she was in bed with the lights off.  I asked "Are you already asleep #3"  She shook her head yes.  "Ok then, are you going to pray with us #3?" She shook her head yes.  #3 is an excelent sleeper.  She will go take a nap if we tell her to and always goes right to bed when we tell her to.  "She smiled really big every time I called her #3."  So I guess that means she approves too. So lastly we went into #1 and #2's bedroom. #1 &2 share a room because they are about the same size and have almost everything in common so they share everything, so it's much easier for them to share.  I walked into their room saying "it's time for bed #1 and #2" they started laughing immediatly thinking of bodily functions with similar names.   Who said girls aren't grose? So we started our prayers and #4 came running into the room and jumped on top of #2 and gave her a bear hug.  #2 and #4 are really close.  We finished up our prayer and the jokes about # 1-4 started.  We couldn't stop laughing.  But we all agreed that it will be fun calling them #'s.

I wonder if this new system will keep me from getting their names mixed up when I'm calling them.  You know how us parents are, always calling our kids the wrong names.  But I'm pretty sure I can remember their birth order?.?

This morning I came downstairs and the girls were sitting at the island eating their breakfast in # order.... how convenient is that?  So I leaned forward and said "Good morning #4" and tried to give her a kiss, but she was too busy chewing and wouldn't give me one. Weird because usually she can't resist the mommy kissy face.  Then I scooted down and repeated with #3 -1 then came back to #4.  Then after her kiss she yelled "Milky kiss!" because she had a little bit of milk on her lips.

So from now on when I say something about #3 humming all day long, you will know I'm talking about the 3 child.  If I say something about #2 being 8 chapters into a Jane Austen novel you will know it's my second oldest.  And if I say #1 finished another book series in less than a month, then you will know I have an avid reader ;) And #4 is just a cutie pie, that loves her mama more than anything or anyone in the world, well except for maybe her favorite spot blanket. I think I'm a close second to the blanket. Oh wait, I just asked her, she said she likes me better.

Thoughts of a military nature.

Today I saw an image of a young woman visiting the grave of her husband, and the young man in uniform kneeling behind her with his hand upon her shoulder. He is transparent (a ghost) so we get the idea that he is there comforting her and listening to her as she visits him. It says "NEVER FORGOTTEN!! Remember those who have Fallen fighting for ALLof US!"

As a wife of a career military man this is very powerful to me. One, because I know this could easily have been me, or still could be some day. And two, because society so easily dismisses the sacrifices that military members and their families make. We seldom hear about those that lost their lives defending our freedom.

I sob uncontrollably when I see a folded flag handed to a widow. I pray that I will never get one of those handed to me! I told my husband that I didn't care what his plans are, I'm dieing first. I tear up when I see someone in uniform reuniting with his/her family, because I have been there. 

The longest deployment kept us apart for four months while I was home (in Japan) with my two babies and no family to help me out. When he came home the girls didn't know him! I stood there with one girl in each arm holding them close wiping my eyes on them because my husband wouldn't get off the stinking plane! A local reporter snuck up and snapped a picture of us because we looked so pitiful. But then was there when he finally got off the plane and came quickly up to us. You can see the love in our eyes. Or... looks say everything.

Joining a support group

It has been a week since I decided I would be brave enough to take a before picture and weight and measurements. I'm thinking I will start doing a weekly weigh in and measuring session to track my progress because the wonderful dear sweet scale doesn't seem to think I am making much progress at all.  It really is a mean scale!  Although I will have to admit that it has lowered my body fat % by 3% in the last few weeks. So that's nice and considerate of it.

Over the last week, my husband and I have really been getting back into the habit of exercise.  We were slacking and inconsistent with our workouts due to health reasons over the last several months (that could be a cause of my scale not budging.)

I started joining him on his outdoor runs. Not really something that I have done since high school.  I was in cross country way back when and could run a pretty fast 5k. (between 21-24 min for 3 miles) That was when I was 17. Can't run that fast anymore, at least not yet.  Because of my slow pace I have been making my hubby run a lot slower than he is use to but it is increasing both of our endurance.  We run 3 miles every other day around our hilly neighborhood in scorching temperatures.  My mouth does not like not having water for that long, but I'm too lazy to carry a bottle of water.  he he, I'm a lazy workout addict. Sounds contradictory doesn't it!

On the days we are not running we head to the gym as a family.  While we work out the kids get to spend an hour and a half to two hours playing (see home school kids do get socialized). I spend the first hour on either the treadmill or a cross trainer machine. I have been able to increase my running distance from half a mile without walking all the way up to 5 miles. Although, I did end up with a pretty nasty looking heal from that run. Eventually I may start running for the full 1.5 to 2 hours that we are at the gym.  After my run/cross training I usually lift weights or do some heavy calisthenics.  I want to be fit, but without someone to hold me accountable it is too easy to quit.  There have been several times that I have wanted to stop running, and my husbands encouraging words got me through the pain and through the urge to quit.

I also joined a support group.  I am required to check in daily with the workout that I did and how long it took me.  I only have to do 20 min a day, but I aim for at least an hour so that the ultimate fat burning can happen.  When I get to the mid way point I will be brave enough to post those pics that I have taken. But for now you can't see them ;) This challenge started last week and will end at the end of August. Who ever works out the most will win a prize.  Run to win the race, not just to finish it!

for the love of children

Most people know me as a calm, level headed, soft spoken mom. But my family knows different. They see the me that is rigid and always in need to be in control of things.  I do not like it when my house is a mess and the children are not doing their work. When there are toys all over the floor and the carpet is covered in dirt, scraps of paper and pencil erasures, muddy dog footprints on the tile, beds unmade and laundry not done I feel like the house is in shambles and that we should be on an episode of hoarders!  My skin crawls and I feel my stress level rising.

On a good day I will do a quick clean up and be just fine. On a bad day I will clean while complaining to the kids that if they would just do their chores every day they wouldn't have to hear me yelling at them and calling them little piggies.

I do know that I need to be somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. The girls do need to learn responsibility and clean up after themselves. Getting dressed, and brushing their teeth in the morning should be automatic. I do not believe I should have to tell them every day.

It drives me crazy when they are singing and laughing instead of doing their math, or splashing water all over the counter top and mirror instead of brushing their teeth and washing their sweet little faces.

I fight anger on a daily basis, trying to ignore the little things that get under my skin. I'm usually unsuccessful and I end up telling them to be quite and to do their work. I feel like I need to control every aspect of their life. I wonder where that came from?

I only get this way (controlling and demanding) about things that are my responsibility. If it is my job to make something into a finish product, I will do my very best to make it the best that it can be. But, with children, there are so many uncontrollable variables. How irritating! It is my job that they learn the materials that they need to know for each grade level. Some day they will be going back into public school and I don't want them to be behind in any way.  I don't know, maybe that is my pride speaking and not love. Love wants them to grow and mature and to improve themselves, pride wants to turn them into little robots that do not have their own thoughts and imaginations.

God gave me free will, and I have to admit that He also gave it to my children. They love me even when i am mad at them, just as God loves us even when we mess up. Don't get me wrong, I do love my children no matter what! love never comes into question, but the way I'm loving them does.

I love my darling baby girl (who is now 4) when she is dancing around and singing sweetly or cuddling up in my lap much more than when I'm unclogging the toilet from the roll of toilet paper that she decided she needed to use to clean the poo out of her pants. And when I'm cleaning that same poo off the toilet, carpet and out of her underwear, and off her little hinny. I get frustrated by her lack of self control, or her outright rebellion in refusing to go to the bathroom in the toilet, and the mess she makes all over herself and the floor and the toilet and her clothes when trying to clean the mess up herself.

Many times after yelling at the kids for one act of disobedience or another I walk away and reflect. It seams like I always regret yelling or raising my voice at them, and sometimes saying things that I shouldn't. I think about my own mistakes and how I must be giving God the same frustrations my children are giving me. Why can't I just behave and do what God created me to do?

Because, I am human and I am not capable of doing His will on my own. How can I expect more from my children than I do from myself?  The fact that I know these things does not change my behavior, and it does not change theirs. All we can do is love each other

World traveler...kind of...part 1

Lake Quinalt, Washington (the rainy part)

I am a native resident of Washington State. Where everything is green and beautiful. A lot of people would say that's because it rains all the time, but I don't think so.  Although it has been over 12 years since I have called it home, so my memory may be a bit shady.
Washington has so much variety and that is what I love about it.

Lake Chelan, Washington (The hot side of the state)

The Pacific Ocean, Ocean Shores, Washington

I don't know if you noticed the theme or not,
but there is a lot of water there! I miss the crystal clear water.

And smack dab in the middle of the state is the Cascade Mountain range, it sepertates the "wet" side from the "dry" side. So many wonderful things to see and do in Washington! 




Mt. Rainer

I lived in Washington for 21 years of my life before I began a life of a military wife. I met my husband while out with a friend. Six months later we were married. Three months after that we were packing up and headed to Misawa, Japan.

Baby bottomless sandals

A few weeks ago my cousin-in-law posted a picture to my Facebook page and asked. "Can you make these?"  Always up for a challenge I set to work, and this is what I came up with:

I started with cotton yarn and got these cute little washcloth like Baby bottom-less sandal's.  A couple people liked them so I made some more.

 Because I no longer have cute little baby feet in my house to try them on I made three in each color using three different sized crochet hooks. I'm sending all but the last two to my cousin-in-law to "get rid of them" for me.  Maybe she will be kind enough to take pics of these on baby feet for me!

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Blogging from my phone

Technology is truly amazing. I have been using the excuse that I can not blog because my computer likes to turn pink and restart itself every time I turn it on. But apparently like almost everything else there is "an app for that." So the little blogger icon on my phone next to my to do list will be a friendly reminder to Swype away on my phone, unless I get UN lazy any time soon and carry the laptop downstairs so that I can "work"and "school"at the same time instead of putting off the work. So this will be the beginning of my attempt at daily posts. Keep me accountable! Please:)