Where's my reset button???

Have you ever thought to yourself “Where is my reset button?” Sometimes it feels like so much stuff is piled on that it would be so much easier just to press the power button and start over again.  I want to know where my scan disc, defrag and system restore are! How cool would it be if we could run a computer program on ourselves and just fix the problems at home in the comfort of our own pity party?

 

So a non diagnosis, preliminary, diagnosis that doesn’t count until I loose the function of one of my body parts really sucks. I thought I was having one of those episodes, having muscle spasms in my legs like I had just done the hardest workout of my life because I walked across the room, pins and needles and muscle weakness and numbness. This lasted for a week. I believed it was an episode because it was accompanied by severe lethargy and nausea. So I put in a telephone consult to my doctor only to be told that it was probably just a side effect of the medicine that I had been on for the last 6 months.  I didn’t accept that and stopped taking all of it.

 

Here I am a month later. I think the medicine is finally all out of my system because my resting heart rate has gone back up to just under 100 beats per minute, and shortness of breath. I feel like there is a yawn inside me just dying to get out. And lot’s of sighing probably has my kiddos thinking I’m a drama queen. But it’s the best way to catch my breath right now.  Tremors are back and worse. Still having the left sided weakness with occasional muscle spasms, numbness and tingling and shooting pain down both legs. This could all be related to the last month of feeling intense cramping in my abdomen and back that radiates down my legs. It’s like a tight squeeze feeling. Sounds like the hug symptom to me. Yet, I haven’t lost the use of anything so here I am left to wonder is this really MS or am I just going crazy?

 

Running is dreaded right now because of the chest pain and shortness of breath that comes along with it.  I know that if I can get back to it that my heart rate will be lowered by the added health benefits of regular cardio exercise. I know this will help my legs because when they were at their worst I was running every day.  More like a hobble jog, but I was out there doing it every day. This seemed to help when combined with stretching before bed every night.  Maybe it was something else, the arthritis in my back acting up? Who knows, but the uncertainty of life is killing me right now.

 

My husband has promotion testing every year, and this year he tested about a month sooner than he usually does. He/We have to wait a full 4 months to find out if he has been promoted or not. This job also will have us moving some time by the end of the year. But again I don’t know when. Talk about hard to plan your life!  Career, living arrangements and health are all in question right now.

 

Now this leads me to educating my children, writing my books and keeping up with a blog, and painting for church, doing a very involved bible study, wanting to be there for people that are sick and need help but feeling so overwhelmed that I can’t do anything.  This is why I need a reboot, and a system restore. I don’t want to, and I know not to worry because worrying doesn’t do any good. So for now I will just pray for peace and take it a day at a time, a problem at a time. Maybe I will try a little chunk at a time instead of trying to do it all at once.  And that is my rant for today. Today the saying that is over used all the time fits me, I just need to let go and let God. And by this I mean, let go of the worry and let God give me peace that I will do exactly what I need to get done but not necessarily what I want to be done.

What does your name say about you?

Today is the day to shine… to do the proverbial cannonball off the lighthouse.

Today I will finally live up to my name.

Brook

 

What is a brook? What does it mean to brook? Well for the answer to that let us turn to good ol’ Merriam Webster.

brook n. A small, natural stream, smaller than a river or creek, a rivulet.

Synonym ~ stream.

brook v.  To put up with; endure; tolerate: usually with the negative.

Synonym~ endure.

 

To Endure is to suffer without yielding, to bear pain, grief or injury, to withstand, to hold out, to last and continue to be.

 

A Stream is a current or flow of water, continuously flowing, moving or passing by; it has a continuous course or advance; drift; current. It has a source or a ray.

A brook is fed by a spring. It has a shallow rock lined bed. It is easy to cross or to dam up. It provides a constant source of water to the environment around it, bringing refreshment and nourishment. It is close to its source.

 

How does all of this relate to me? Well grab a patch of grass and lay down along my refreshing waters or a big comfy moss covered stone and gaze upon the pools of reflection as I tell you a story, my story, the story of my name.

 

Imagine if you will a spring bubbling up from the ground. Because of this source of water the surrounding hills and valleys are green and teaming with lush vegetation.  There are many flowers near by. Butterflies float in the breeze flitting from flower to flower, vine to vine searching for the perfect spot to lay their eggs.

 Large shade trees spread their branches out like they are opening their arms to the sky and soaking in the rays of the sun. Their roots hungrily soak up the waters that my source, the spring, offers them. Birds and chipmunks chirp and sing in the branches of the many trees that line the banks. 

 

There is much to observe if you sit and look around.

For the weary traveler this is the perfect place to sit and rest, to listen to the calming sounds of the water rippling over the exposed stones in my shallow waters.

 

Crystal clear waters show my vulnerabilities, my transparency. I don’t get angry when people throw rocks at me, because it just adds to the stones that already line the basin of my existence. It may sting the surface for a moment, but it will build me up and make me stronger. Some day those stones will be useful to someone else.

 

I endure every twist and turn in the landscape and even the occasional waterfall. These things that look so scary when I am on the precipice of falling over are so beautiful to behold from a distance. Through droughts my spring keeps me going. I never lose hope. I know my hope, my spring, will not; can not ever run dry. In times of flood and abundance my waters bubble over onto the shoreline. The waters become muddied and confused by the mix of the world in the source of the spring. But, when things calm down again, my focus is right back where it needs to be once again.

 

I am a good listener, and I’ll keep things to myself. I have deep pools of reflection and will help you find the answers that you need. I have a wealth of knowledge from all the travelers that have crossed my path before. Some of this knowledge is silly and nonsensical and some of it is quite random, but on the rare occasion you may get the bits that are life changing. I like to think of each stone as a random fact in my arsenal of life.  Some stones are big and some are tiny little pebbles. There are some that are well worn and used quite frequently and yet others that are rarely used and still have the jagged edges. Yet each one of these stones has a purpose.

There is so much more to a name, more than just the babbling Brook that I have tried my entire life not to be. I don’t want to be that person primarily because I will get nervous and start stuttering. If you know me, and know me well, you know my humorous side. You know that I literally visualize everything people say. That I laugh often and talk a lot! I can be a roaring waterfall that endures that twists and turns of this life because I have a Spring of Life that gives me the strength.

 

What does your name say about you?

100 days of running

 

Looking back on 100 days of running:

I didn’t think I had it in me. I have never considered myself to be a runner and I’m still not sure if I am. My shortest distance was 1.22 miles longest distance was 5.06 in an hour, and my average was 12 miles a week. Some weeks had more some less. But here are the highlights

 

100 days

September 25, 2012 – January 2, 2013

·        187 miles

·        averaged 50 miles per month

·        lost 13 pounds

·        burned 19,778 calories

·        Listened to either praise music or the Bible

·        Discovered that I really enjoy listening to the Bible

·        When I ran at night I took my dog Tater he didn’t lose any weight

·        My husband joined me a few times

·        My dad joined me once (It was his first time running in over 10 years and he did great!)

·        I use about 15 different routes and rarely run at the same time.

·        Shoes matter

·        Attitude matters

·        You can still run when you feel like you are going to die

·        It is possible to run with an “ice pick” type headache

·        It is also possible to run with a numb/painful half of your body

 

In September a friend invited me to join a Fall Fitness accountability group. I was already a part of the summer group so I was thrilled when the fall group started.

Over the summer I began struggling with some pretty bad headaches and one sided body nerve pain. (Numbness, tingling, loss of sensation, shooting pain, falling) As you can probably imagine I didn’t feel like exercising but knew that I needed to strengthen my body and keep my muscles flexible. The accountability group was perfect for me because I was only required to exercise 20 min a day 6 times a week and that could be covered by 1 dog walk a day. Easy enough.

So that was the first group.

 For the second group I started to get a little more into it, pushing myself a little harder.

On September 25 one of the members of the group posted a 100 day running challenge.

I read the challenge and liked it because it

 

• Would be over in 100 days
• Only required 1 mile a day
• Involved prayer/listening to the Bible/ praise music
• More accountability

 

I decided that I would take the challenge. I didn’t realize until just a week or so ago that I was the only one that joined her in this challenge. But we kept each other motivated. And the rest of the fitness group has been wonderful at cheering us on to that finish line.  Although, we both kept right on running past that so called finish line, and plan on continuing with the daily runs.

 

What got me to get up, lace up my tennis shoes and walk out that door on the days that I had a hard time even walking? Knowing that by the time I got home that I would feel better. Getting up and moving, making my heart beat faster, my blood pressure up seems to help loosen me up and relieve some of my pain. Even if I am barely able to move, jogging, eventually I will loosen up and feel more human. The headaches are a little more difficult to deal with and I end up jogging with my hand holding my head and using a very special breathing pattern. I couldn’t let down the big beautiful brown eyed doggy that runs to the door every night ready to go for his run either.

 

Now that I am at 101 days (tonight’s run will be 102) I’ll be ok if I miss a run every now and then because it was a 100 day challenge not a 365 day challenge. But I have developed a habit. I do enjoy taking my nightly runs with the doggy.

I have noticed a big change in my body. 13 pounds in 100 days (That’s a little more than a pound a week)

I’ve lost 4” in my stomach and 4” in my hips my legs are starting to show individual muscles. I am happy with my progress. I am at my goal weight that I set for myself last April.

Then I was 144 pounds with a BMI of 23.2

Now I am 120 with a BMI of 19.4

I am not killing myself with these “workouts” I am not hurting the next day, I didn’t do any extra work outs. Until today. I’m doing the body confusion and changing my routine now. But the point is it doesn’t have to be hard to be a life change.

 

Just get up and get moving. Jog and walk at least a mile every day and take it a day at a time. Pretty soon YOU will be inspiring someone.

Pumpkin dark chocolate chip craisin muffins

Pumpkin dark chocolate craisin muffins

6 eggs

1/4 cup canned pumpkin

1 stick butter (1/2 cup)melted

1/4 cup agave nectar

1/2 cup coconut flour

1/2 tsp sea salt

1/4 tsp baking soda

1 Tbsp pumpkin pie spice

1/2 cup dark chocolate chips

1/2 cup craisins

Preheat oven to 350°

Combine dry ingredients in bowl.

 In separate bowl whisk eggs and add remaining wet ingredients.

 Add flour mixture.

 Fold in chocolate chips and craisins.

scoop mix into lined muffin cup.

Bake for 35-40 min.

Happy healthy baking!

Staying strong under trying circumstances

           Sometimes the not knowing is hard to deal with. We go to doctors asking them to fix us treating them as if they are gods when in reality they are people too.  They poke and prod at us and ask us what we have done to ourselves to get into said predicament.  We think back to the years of abuse on our bodies thinking that we are invincible. We are superhuman in our childhood and teenage years. Then during our young adulthood it is too easy to overdo it on alcohol and processed foods that are inexpensive and easy to prepare for our new family. But is this what is best for us and our bodies? Is this what is causing our bodies to break down and literally fall apart?

In May my world was rocked when my left temple literally felt like something inside my head exploded while I was driving. I pulled over of course because that really scared me. This “headache” was followed by 4 hours of intermittent stabbing pains that left the left side of my face feeling like I had been hit in the face with a 2x4 with a few nails in it and parts of my face were numb. It was a really weird headache, different from the migraines I was used to so I went ahead and drove myself to urgent care. The Urgent care doc suspected either cluster headache or trigeminal neuralgia.  From there I was scheduled for a follow-up with my primary care doctor three weeks later and referred out for a CT scan, MRI, MRA, CBC, Neurology, Cardiology, Allergy, Nutrition, a sleep study, Psychology, and a few more that I can’t seem to remember right now.

There were also several tests ordered from each of these appointments and follow-up appointments. From the MRI we found out that I do have a brain! Exciting news for me because with the daily headache (brain noise) I was starting to feel like there wasn’t much left going on up in there. The Neurologist said that there were a few things to watch from the MRI and that it meant I had to have a repeat scan in 6 months (Dec-Jan). Because of the findings of the MRI he did a lot of tests to rule out other things and all of those tests were negative. So now what I do know is that I have a lesion on the right side of my brain and two growths in the back of my throat. Now I know why I get nauseated so easily.  Until I have the second MRI with the scan of my neck and have more than 1 lesion I wont have a diagnosis.

The cardiologist said that my heart is completely normal. I am free to stop taking the medicine as soon as the headaches go away. The allergist said that I shouldn't be poked with needles because my skin is so sensitive that I have a positive reaction even to the negative controls so they can't do the skin prick testing on me. The nutritionist was surprised at how well we eat as a family and wanted to know why I was visiting him. The sleep study determined that I wake up from the deepest stages of sleep to wide awake several times a night for no apparent reason and because of that I was sent to see the psychologist. The psychologist determined that I'm not crazy and to keep taking the melatonin that the neurologist prescribed for sleeping.

So where does this leave me? After what seems like hundreds of doctors appointments later, I still don’t know. I just have to have faith.  The threat looms over me that some day I may be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. {The Neurologist seems pretty determined that within the next three years that will be my diagnosis even without the second set of MRI films.} I am starting to change the way I take care of myself.  That is a big part of it I think.  We have been pretty healthy eaters for the past 10 years or so. However, #1 (my oldest daughter) has only grown ¼” in 4 years and that was due to eating gluten free for 6 months a little over a year ago because I noticed she wasn’t growing and knew this to be a sign of celiac disease. I took her to the doctor recently and they said she is allergic to wheat. #3 has eczema, and #4 has asthma, these can also be caused by a gluten intolerance. So for the sake of our health we are more than like going to be a gluten free household. I am experimenting with recipes that sound horribly disgusting, but the kids are gobbling them up and say they are delicious. I made some changes to a pumpkin cranbery muffin recipe and they loved it. I'll share that with you all if anyone is interested.

        
             I am running every day to strengthen my legs; I am doing occasional strength training for the rest of my body. I have noticed that the left side of my body does have occasional weakness, numbness, pins and needles; this is more noticeable on days that I take a nice relaxing bath in the morning instead of at night. I take a handful of pills every night to prevent the bad headaches. But I still have the daily irritating I know you are there headaches.  I have only had 3 I think I’m going to die headaches since May and those I believe were Cluster or Trigeminal Neuralgia headaches. So I guess the handful of medicine is doing its job. Tomorrow I have an appointment to get shots in my face and neck. I am nervous about this for obvious reasons a needle to the face… who wants that? I had shots in my back because of unbearable back pain a few years ago and was allergic to it, so now I’m wondering if I’ll be okay with this series of shots. The shots will be administered in a hospital so if I react badly I’ll be in good hands.  My goal is to replace the pills with a healthy lifestlye and diet. I know it isn't possible to cure an auto immune disease but it can be put into remission. This daily pain in my body does not define me, it is here for a purpose and until I know what it is I truly pray that I glorify God in all that I do and say.

So really long post, I’m sorry about that. And if some of this is repeat information also sorry. But I felt putting it all down in one place in a “this is what I know so far post” would be a good idea.  I don’t know anything J Helpful isn’t it. Frustrating. So like I said at the beginning of this “novel” doctors are people too.  They do their best to help us figure out what is ailing us. Sometimes we have to be patient. Sometimes we have to be content with the information that God has given us. What He has given us is always sufficient. We kick and scream and rebel because we want to know why we are struggling.  But, His grace is enough for me.

~ Blessings Brook

Button Ladybugs

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine and I threw a baby shower for another friend. This friend really likes lady bugs. I could not find button lady bugs anywhere so I came up with some. And because I like to share and they were so easy to make I will share with you what I came up with.

 

~You will need ~

 pretty paper, (I used several different colors of scrap book papers), 

A heart paper punch, or just cut a heart shape if you don't have a punch.

A large button for the body and a smaller button for the head for each lady bug

Jewelry beads for the spots on the wings and eyes

Hot glue gun and Elmer's glue

3d adhesive foam squares (scrap booking supplies sticky on both sides)

flexible paper wrapped wire

Place 3d adhesive foam square on larger button

Punch/cut heart shape, place 5-6 spots of glue on heart  and place on other side of 3d foam square.

Place a bead on each glue dot.

Hot glue antenna on to back of smaller button.

Put a generous amount of hot glue between button and heart

 hold smaller button firmly in place

 

place a small strip of hot glue on the front of small button

place two beads in hot glue for eyes

Under side of lady bug

Top of lady bug

Finished lady bug

A "flock"? of lady bugs

 

So as you can see this was an easy project and I believe that they turned out pretty cute. The most important thing is to have fun with it! Get creative. I attached the lady bugs to yo yo flowers and ribbons. How to on those to follow soon.

 

 

Preview of my latest project

I know I have been silent but that doesn't mean I haven't been busy. Here is a preview of my latest project with more pictures and details to come!

 

 

Lady Bugs

YoYo Flower ribbons

 

Lady Bugs!

Hand Stamped and Chalked

PomPom Flower pot with a golden lady bug

Yoyo flower pot with a Volley ballesq lady bug